There is a quiet little voice at the back of my head whispering to me that my heart is sending up messages that it’s starting to feel something for you, but I just take that little voice and shut it up in a box, lock it a thousand times, and throw it into a cave, down a pit, because otherwise those little whispers will come back to haunt me and my heart will want to burst open, but otherwise my heart won’t be able to find the bottom of the pit for a while, but when it does I’m going to have to find another place to hide those messages or they will start to clog the back of my head and then move onto the left and right and front of it, until they creep past my eyes and my nose, and then burst through my mouth for you to hear all of them and then I won’t have to hide them anymore, I’ll just have to hide myself from you, which I suppose might be easier then hiding those whispers but I’d rather have them and still have you by me, because losing you will just create more little messages so I guess this whole cycle will never stop or change anything.
i just constantly feel this emptiness, this pain, in my chest
this emptiness, this pain in my chest
this emptiness and pain
painful emptiness
Things have changed for me. We used to have that special chemistry, that beautiful spark between us. I felt electricity when we touched, and I strongly cared for you. But, things have really changed for me. Today, you kept telling me how much you’ve missed me. All I wanted to do is leave and never see you again.
I believe breasts should be appreciated. Not the fake ones, where the girls have to wear bombshells to make them look like they exist. I’m talking about the natural beautiful additions to a women’s body. The breasts that a mother uses to feed her child, to support life. Society teaches you to cover up what you have. I say that if you have it, you might as well flaunt it. My mom had breast cancer, my grandmother had breast cancer, and so did my great grandmother. I am at such a high risk for it that, I’ve almost become used to the idea of one day feeling a small lump there. Breasts are beautiful in all sizes, and I’m not planning to wear turtle necks to cover what I have just because society says that it is more appropriate to hide them. The real body isn’t meant to be covered up that much.
heart rate speeding
senses stricken with attentiveness
a chill running down the spine
moving rigidly to line each bone perfectly
seductiveness;
she gives off a sense of mystery
a gleam in her eyes
dangerously alluring
her beauty takes hold of your soul
dominating you with her grasp
she pulls you closer;
feeling her breath attain all knowledge of your anatomy
now your mindset — only her — forever her
You know what I want?
A large bouquet of roses.
A beautiful necklace.
Heck, no I don’t need that.
I want
That dirty little flower rising up between the sidewalk cracks.
Anything.
I need that small sign
that you think about me
walking down the street
that you care for me.
I don’t think I’m asking for a lot.
Anything would be nice.
But you won’t even spare that anything
For me.
I want you to be my all. Not my all, my everything. My everything and my all. But right now, you say you are my everything, you’re right, you’re everything to me. I am all yours, but I am not your all. My everything is yours, but I am not your everything. I need you, you don’t need me; is the point I’m making.
“Shh,” her smooth cold finger traced the soft curve of my lips, “You’re the prey.” Eternity flashed in front of my dilated pupils, light entered my eyes from all sides, too much exposure. I was completely exposed. Forever would not end now. Ready to pounce upon her, ready to pounce upon me, the prey hunted the predator, the most dangerous predator, she was a beautiful creature. I had told myself before that it would not have to come to this but — every being makes mistakes.
I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
I won’t.
But I can’t not do it.
But I want to not do it.
But I can’t.
I want to do it.
I want it to end.
I want to be free.
I want to be with you.
With you is not free.
Not free from my own fears.
Not free from my own desires.
Not free at all.
But I can’t just let go.
It’s been too long.
I love you.
I long to love with you.
You don’t long to love with me.
So I can’t.
I want it to end.
I want it to not end.
And here lies the problem.
No solution is a real solution.
No solution leaves me happy.
And here lies the problem.
